You actually care

This semester: Subbing is a lot better in 2015. Part of it is changing my attitude. Most of it is accepting my position and limits.

I subbed seven straight days to start the new semester. It was fine. Even though it was boring or frustrating most of the time, I had a lot of meaningful conversations with students on topics from writing to LBGT to morality to religion. But most days I rode my bicycle home annoyed because of the last period.

The last period was loud and off task much more than the other classes. They gave me a headache. One student's voice drilled my eardrums over everyone else. I found my self picking on her or asking her more often to not be so loud. I realized this today after she went silent for the remainder of class. I felt bad on my bike ride home because I noticed I was calling her out when the rest of the students around her were behaving the same. First I thought, "I hope she doesn't think I am picking on her because she is black." Then I thought, "I hope I'm not picking on her because she is black." I do not think I was, but it is something to keep in mind.

Last semester: I had a really cool chat with a small class of students. I was asking them about education and their opinions about learning and teachers. This is what I remember.

Me: What makes a good teacher?

Female Student: A cool teacher like you.

Me: I haven't taught you anything.

Female Student: Yeah, but you actually care...

The student went on to explain how other teachers just yell at therm or tell them to get to work. But I actually care and listen to what they have to say. I rode my bike home that day feeling ecstatic about the student's feedback. The more I reflected, the worse I felt. I felt terrible. I felt like I lost something. Maybe I lost hope, or maybe I saw my fate as a teacher. I don't cry, but I almost cried riding my bike home that day.

How sad is it that students feel like their teachers do not care about them and or care about what they have to say? 

Today: at my current middle school internship.

A female student asked me, "Are you coming back next week?"

"Yes," I said, "Unless something crazy happens, I'll be here next Wednesday."

"Good, I really like you."

I thanked her.

Once again, I rode my bike home feeling happy even though my throat is sore from having to raise my voice too much and often.

After reflecting, once again, I thought of the student from last semester.

Peace, love, and do good things

Mr. Teacher Dude