Probably Time to Retire

Today was my last day at Hubbard Middle School. I read over my last post. Man, things just spiraled down from their.

This year was the worst year of my life. I hated going to school most days. I felt like Office Space. I lost pleasure in most of my hobbies. Teaching is by far the most unhealthy thing I ever did in my life. My mental and physical health is at an all time low. I became impatient (something I was pretty good at), and I was easily irritable.

Tomorrow, dawn awakens! (also a cool poem I read today). I look forward to a new start. I'm pretty unsatisfied with my failures as a teacher, but the cost benefit analysis is too risky. I would like to do something in education and or social change because I still believe that education is the key to solving most, if not all, of the problems our society faces.

Too bad I didn't keep this blog up. It probably would have improved my teaching significantly. O well. I didn't. I do plan to write and read more over the summer. The universe is the limit!

Another First Day

It was my first day today, but not theirs. They were pretty rowdy and I was too nice, as usual. I didn't give positive feedback. And I yelled too much. This cannot go on.

Tomorrow I need to give the student's rights.

All students have the right to learn without being disruptive. 

This is going to be my angle along with lunch detentions with me, or after school detention.

On a positive note, I did have a few moments where students were very engaged and interested in what was going on in class. A few students also gave me positive feedback on their way out of class.

Never Posted (draft from 20 April 2015)

Last week I gave the 8th graders I intern with a writing prompt about writing. I asked them to help me be a better teacher in the future by giving me some meaningful feedback. Most of the students did.

Most of the students like writing and would like to do more fictional writing in school.

The King

I read Stephen King's 11/22/63. The first half was a page turner and the second half dragged along with cyclical raising action.

Jake, the main character, was a teacher and a sub. So I could relate, and enjoyed his perspective. There were two things that ignited a strong response from me. The first, in the beginning of the story, Jake described one of the only times he cried in his life. It was from a student's tragic story about his family. The writing was grammatically terrible, but because the story sparked such an emotional response and the writer wrote it from the heart, that made it great writing. (Maybe I will find the story and include it here. Stand by.)

The second response was Jake describing a day subbing. He talked about the book The Catcher in the Rye, a banned book at the time, and afterwards one of the students told him, "I wish you could teach us everyday." (That quote may be incorrect. Stand by on that too.) The student appreciated Jake because he was real and honest with them.

I read King's On Writing. It was okay, but I gained a couple valuable insights. Good writing is honest. I want to take this message a step further, good teaching is honest. That doesn't mean do not tell lies although that is a good idea too. It means teach/write what you know and who you are; and encourage students to do the same.

Even in grad school, my future teaching peers tell the professors what they think the professor wants to hear. It is so annoying. Every class I feel like Holden Caulfield. What type of teachers are my peers going to make? Yes there may be a time and place where you have to be phony, but hopefully not in my classroom. If you tell a teacher what they want to hear by expressing your real thoughts that is outstanding. But when you regurgitate crap from a text to show your teacher you did the reading, it is so phony! and boring. I hope my classroom is a warm, open, environment for students to ask real questions and throw out wild ideas. Don't tell me what I want to hear. Tell me what you think and feel.

Peace, love, and do good things

Mr. Teacher Dude

You actually care

This semester: Subbing is a lot better in 2015. Part of it is changing my attitude. Most of it is accepting my position and limits.

I subbed seven straight days to start the new semester. It was fine. Even though it was boring or frustrating most of the time, I had a lot of meaningful conversations with students on topics from writing to LBGT to morality to religion. But most days I rode my bicycle home annoyed because of the last period.

The last period was loud and off task much more than the other classes. They gave me a headache. One student's voice drilled my eardrums over everyone else. I found my self picking on her or asking her more often to not be so loud. I realized this today after she went silent for the remainder of class. I felt bad on my bike ride home because I noticed I was calling her out when the rest of the students around her were behaving the same. First I thought, "I hope she doesn't think I am picking on her because she is black." Then I thought, "I hope I'm not picking on her because she is black." I do not think I was, but it is something to keep in mind.

Last semester: I had a really cool chat with a small class of students. I was asking them about education and their opinions about learning and teachers. This is what I remember.

Me: What makes a good teacher?

Female Student: A cool teacher like you.

Me: I haven't taught you anything.

Female Student: Yeah, but you actually care...

The student went on to explain how other teachers just yell at therm or tell them to get to work. But I actually care and listen to what they have to say. I rode my bike home that day feeling ecstatic about the student's feedback. The more I reflected, the worse I felt. I felt terrible. I felt like I lost something. Maybe I lost hope, or maybe I saw my fate as a teacher. I don't cry, but I almost cried riding my bike home that day.

How sad is it that students feel like their teachers do not care about them and or care about what they have to say? 

Today: at my current middle school internship.

A female student asked me, "Are you coming back next week?"

"Yes," I said, "Unless something crazy happens, I'll be here next Wednesday."

"Good, I really like you."

I thanked her.

Once again, I rode my bike home feeling happy even though my throat is sore from having to raise my voice too much and often.

After reflecting, once again, I thought of the student from last semester.

Peace, love, and do good things

Mr. Teacher Dude

Everyday

1. Did I speak respectfully to all of my students?
2. Did I use fair and just discipline procedures?
3. Did I remain open to unusual or unexpected student responses?
4. Did I try to teach and reach all of my students?
5. Did I take time to interact with each student?





18Feb2015: I do not think I have ever achieved this in a normal sized class. Maybe I should switch the "all"s to "most."

Even if I failed every class, it is a perfect goal to strive for.

Peace, love, and do good things

Student Dude

Sorry Students, I'll try to be better

It is funny I just re-read my first post and it is as if I didn't learn anything. Maybe next time...

I have been teaching a lot in my internship which has been fun because those students are well behaved and seem interested in what we are doing. Subbing on the other hand is pretty rough. Students do not want to learn and the teachers leave the worst lessons, usually worksheets. So everyone, including the regular teacher, knows that today is a wasted lesson.

There are two situations I didn't handle well.

Two weeks ago, at my internship, a student turned in a writing assignment. She wrote the first sentence. Then every other sentence was copied and pasted from sparknotes.com. I was annoyed, and I left a comment that pretty much said, "Good job copying and pasting from spark notes." Then when I confronted her. I was not understanding. It is more clear to me now that I should have been more understanding. Why didn't I ask her if she need extra help? Or why she thought it was necessary to copy her whole letter? I get to make it up to her and myself tomorrow. I really wanted to call the school last Friday and apologize to her but I couldn't remember her name.

The last time I subbed was a 5th grade math class. It was miserable, and the last period got me good. The teacher left me about five minutes of work to last 30 minutes. These two punks, they didn't do anything the whole class besides fight with eachoth and push my buttons. It worked and I kept them after class and left bad comments for their teacher.

I don't know why I took this so personal. I was worse than both of them when I was a fifth grader. I should've had something fun prepared to do but I didn't. I knew their activity was crap, and that they would be goofing off in no time.

 Peace, love, and do good things



Mr. Gomes